But now I wish I could just turn back time to be a child and hug my mom again. Bless you, My daughter passed 1 year and a half ago and the pain is worse to me. I am lost. I did not understand that we had such a deeper connection than others may have. Every moment where I was happy and excited was mixed with sadness and anger that my wife was not experiencing this. Like Wendy D. and LB, my mom was my best friend and my constant companion (I cared for during a progressive illness that lasted several years). Why am I so weak when I should be strong knowing that we always have to lose someone. I have been plotting along now for 2 years 4 months. But the pain is almost over bearing. My first year I believe I was totally in shock and family members kept me busy. It is sad to say 45, but I have no greater desire to be laying in the plot next to her so that I can be close to her for eternity. Im so incredibly sad all day, everyday. Slightly better than being alone perhaps but when he is away the loneliness is shattering. Do I wont to be in a realationship again. But mostly hurt and emptyness. I'm marking another Mother's Day without my mom as . "Time flies, whether you're wasting it or not.". It is very hard to look at all these people in the face and lie with a smile on your face, telling them that youre okay.. Its been 5 months for me though. Everyone talks about how difficult it is to talk about your feelings, due to know wanting to hear it or they think its time to move on. Sometimes I feel its the house we lived in thats keeping me from moving on so I am selling it and getting a smaller place. Opened the door and he had passed during the night of a pulmonary embolism. I lived off cake, pie, candy & other sweets. Especially the what ifs and could I have done more for him and remembering his courage during cancer treatment even at the time of his passing. The second is that the shock may be gone but then, for me, is a longing for the companionship of my husband.He was an exceptional person, as I sure all of your loved ones were! Its even worse cuz he was a body builder and him losing all his strength in front of me has devastated me h was so strong they it all. I just want to let you know that, youre not the only one that feels this way, and that youre not alone. Some people have told me that the second year was actually more of a challenge. I hope you know you've been in our thoughts and heart every day since. It was a very shocking and unexpected episode. Sometimes I think Im to young to be dealing with all this pain but the love I had for him only means my pain is real. I cook dinners, I help with homework, I give hugs. So much loss for them too. I dont want him to think our lives are all moving on and I dont miss him. Your skin loses its moisture and its elasticity, so it shrivels up a bit. Florida Statutes require you to submit the original Will to the clerk of the court within 10 days of the person passing, while Florida Statute says this, no one holds you to this rule for obvious reasons. For a special kind of grief support clickhere: GRIEF COACHING. Caregiver for close to 8 years. When I see couples together, I miss him even more, but I talk to God to help me get through the mental sadness, Stay well- youre not alone. It was unexpected his passing we have been together since freshman year highschool have two LIVING boys 2 and 3 years old. Now I know no matter what happens to me, at least mom is forever safe and even transcended death. My older brother my only sibling. I found him within seconds. I am integrating my old life with my new life. I am so sorry we are are all hurting people,i have found society is not real good at knowing how to help or react to us. Its been two and a half years following the loss of my husband. Use the DATEDIF function when you want to calculate the difference between two dates. The grief is invisible to everyone around me, and Im too proud to let anyone in. I am lost and have no confidence anymore. I lost my dear Husband 10 months ago on Dec 19 2018 and then my lovely beautiful son passed away 8 weeks later.I am struggling still so badly.I am trying so hard to get on with my life but its not getting any better yet.I cry every day and so depressed and lonely.I just keep hoping and praying it will get better.We had been together 60 yrs and married 55,its so hard and miss him so much.My son had Cancer but fought it for 4 yrs,but it beat him in the end.I keep thinking ile feel better but as yet it doesnt.Ime just hoping and praying I will get to feel better. We did not have any children its just me & my 4 dogs & other pets that we both adored. I feel I no purpose and all alone. Then then 13m on, a huge ugly cry at new yeartook me to the next step of thinking i was ok. My grandma died on November 1st, and my oldest sister died somewhat unexpectedly on December 22nd. I remember the meltdown in my life, Christmas day.realizing that I would never have another Christmas life my previous 20 years, I cried so hard, I didnt think I could have any tears leftbut they just kept coming. He left me 2 dogs, one pregnant one. The what its are going to kill me. I am now in month 14 and the feeling that I mentioned earlier, that in some way my purpose in life was to grieve, has begun to abate. For me, it is in those tiny slivers of time when I feel most alone and heartbroken. totally I hope we both find peace somehow, someday. Now feeling that most of life does not fit me any longer: not my clothes, my town, my friends, my houseeverything seems empty on the bad days. Please do not do that. I know your husband is with you in spirt. very low bounce rate One day we are shopping, and the next day Im dealing with his death. Im in the 3rd yrs of losing my brother and its been so hard then four weeks ago my other brother died! Nothing feels right anymore. I always wonder if this normal. Its not like I was a trusting person before; now its even less so the case. My husband died suddenly, a little over two yrs ago. I look up at the sky and think of my husband all the time. She was my momma & my best friend. I cry everyday and into the night, have no interest or desire to engage with other people, and I miss him so thought in his body. I had simething similar happening to me. Again, thank you and bless you all. There is NO GETTING OVER IT!!!!! He was my first father daughter dance, he was in the room when I was born, I lived with him and my mom for the first four years of my life. Her suffering in the end made things even worse. I lived with her the last 8 yrs of her life & cared for her for the last 3 yrs. I know I dont want to live like this for any length of time anymore. Im still waiting for the Universe show me the way. The thought of living 20-30yrs without them is so very hard, I know exactly what u mean theres that one love and no body & I mean no body will ever take his place Ill never love again the way I loved him 35 years I was w this man & his gone Im still in a river of tears every oldie comes on the water starts to over flow I dont believe it gets easier I loved him my heart continues to hurt..nothing helps. Maybe because I was his caretaker, maybe because I was more close to him than my mother (a little). But I loved you, and always will. My story is like yours, the most sudden pulmonary embolism of the love of my life. Even though we had hospice care, there was so much confusion about what was happening to her and if she was getting the right treatment; there was so much decision-making which is fatiguing; the living room where she slept for the last three months became cluttered with medical supplies and bottles of pills. Cry daily cannot stop crying. This article is the best Ive read ever on this subject! I wish everyone the best who want to continue their struggles to go on. I got through the first year because of being the only one that could handle all of the problems and stuff that takes place after the bread winner passes suddenly. Very hard for us left behind. So I know that feeling. Right now, this moment, put away the baggage from the past, shake yourself free from the fear of the future unknown. I am now one year eight months and seventeen days from the last day I saw him laying in the hospital bed dying. I have photos of him everywhere and just stand in front of them every time I walk past. We were together for a year. Village so he could relax and we would enjoy our golden years, but I am thankful I had as many years as I did with him as my best friend. Really! One feels so empty. I cant even remember the first few months. Finally I want to say thank you to the lady whose post mentioned being in Lowes and becoming so frustrated that she left. I find that walking every day helps immensely. He was my life. They may not even be pearls, but something beautiful and shining, lovely days to counteract the darkness. I have me4 a man who I like and makes me laugh. Like his life was just a blink of an eye.19 year. Speaking t I someone, helps because death can be trmatic, Its 3.43am another sleepless night and reading through everyones stories trying to grasp some sense of belonging knowing others understand my pain. I feel that its not fair to her or myself. There are a number of things you can do to help a grieving cat to overcome the loss. How did any of you get up and do something for yourselves? Everyone he met loved him, he never raised his voice and was so caring. I am do sorry, please know you are not alone! According to Google that's 9490.01 hours, but to me it feels like an eternity. Take Care and Thank You, Your email address will not be published. Im comforted to know that others feel the same. I lots my Mum 2 months before my partner and broke my ankle 2 weeks before he died.I have also moved house because he left the house we lived in to his sonhonest!! heart. I do hope this helps someone or anyone who is going through a really hard time. Like he meant nothing. Im carrying my grief alone, with friends that will never understand the pain, and a sister that is suffering just as much as me. The pain of losing you is immeasurable. Now Im at Year 4. The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) told people to give . Our bond of love was so deep and our lives so inextricably intertwined that a part of me died that day too. I think that people mean well. Well then so so much has been such a consequence that its like my late husband made use meet. My husband died 16 months ago. 2nd year I didnt know how to cope with the pain so i was in a unlovable/toxic situation with someone plus I lost myself with drugs and alcohol. But that sadness seems like my last connection, and I dont want to lose that. (pdf) Introduction Congress is fast approaching the need to take action on the nation's statutory debt limit, often referred to as the debt ceiling. Just unquestioning everything and analysing everything. My Bill was my soulmate, best friend, husband and the love of my life for 40 years. My wife and I divorced about a year after he passed. I guess my advice: allow yourself to feel whatever you feel whenever you feel and have a really good friend willing to let it all happen however you need. Im disabled so i walk with a caneand in constant pain from that. Our 3 year old looks and acts EXACTLY like him. I havent decided if thats true or not yet. Kim was DOA at the hospital and I couldnt face seeing the non living face of another sister. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago and miss him terribly. The 1 year anniversary of his death is in a couple days. It's been 3 months since my husband passed. Now without her? death of their loved ones so unbearable. My husband died in Feb 18 after 3 years struggle with multiple system atrophy. It didnt hit me until I was driving out of the hospital parking ramp: I didnt get to take her home. I read The Year of Magical Thinking and at the end she says that eventually your loved one will become just a photo on the dresser. A year had passed. but it is quickly approaching. If you're a writer, poet, or musician, compose something. It's been two years since you're . We had planned to do so much during his retirement which never materialised. Mom was it. Jackie you expressed much of what I feel for the most part. I sometimes now find it hard to walk down a street that holds. I was numb the first year, but Know Its really hard. I have read most of the posts..we are all in pain..it has been 1 year 1 month and 6 days since I lost my best friend my anchor..I live interstate away from my two children..I work full time and have lots lf work colleagues..my lifelong friend lives interstate..I have two dogs and no close friends outside of work.suddenly my pain and lonliness seems to be more devastating that in the first 12 months..people think I am tough and have done really well and appear happy again.how wrong they all are..underneath this fascade is a really sad person whose heart has broken wide open.right now I seriously feel being dead would be easier..I am empty inside with no future to look forward to.even my sense of humour which I am renowned for has died with my hubbyI do motivate muself to go oit and am surrounded by couples only enforcing on how lonely I ama person who used to be extra energetic, happy, always laughing..this person is now dead inside with no wish to carry on with my life.not sure how long I can go on for..if it werent for my dogs I would have left this life months agodont care any more..sorry..but there is no way I can tell anyone how I feel..not even my Grief Counsellor..I know I am not the only one of us who feels like this so whoever you are you will know exactly how I am feelingand no..I will not use antidepressants..I am not depressed there ks no medication for heartbreak.